we're chasing vodka with high fives
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
