it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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