you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're a waste of cheezeits
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
