I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
