Got a toothbrush?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
