You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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