thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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