no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
