I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
