i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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