I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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