Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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