On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
