1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
