Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
