"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
