Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
