I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
