erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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