Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
