I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
