Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
