I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize