Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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