There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
