Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
