I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
