You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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