even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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