I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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