anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
