I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
