yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
