I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
