Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize