I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
