lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
