i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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