Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
