note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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