YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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