with your own penis?
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
