Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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