You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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