her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
