Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
