I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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