Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
