well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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