The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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