TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
