You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
