we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
