HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
