DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
