there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
