bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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