worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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