The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
