PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
