I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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