I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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