I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
