also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
