Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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