Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
