You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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