he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
