Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
