We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
