Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my vag is so smooth its legendary
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My liver just had a heart attack.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
