Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
