I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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