Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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